You know what they say - this blog's all fun and games until someone loses/uses an eye - my two in this instance. In less than half a minute, you'll find that I do have a sensitive, artistic bone in my body!
Wednesday, August 18, 2021
Short N' Sweet Music Mashup
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
Tokyo 2020+1
I only get excited about the Olympics every 4 years and after 4 beers! I mean 5. On both counts.
Ash was ready to rock:
Melbourne was in lockdown for most of the games and still is. Stay at home and watch the Olympics? You didn’t have to ask me twice! It also helped that good-looking people filled my screen for two weeks - much like grand slams.
Especially for Naomi, the ceremonies were lit!
My hopes for a drug-free olympics were dashed before the events even began:
Throughout the games, they were everywhere I looked:
Ash was ready to rock:
Edit: She bath-bombed out of the singles! Not to worry - Serbia dropped out of the mixed doubles so she just rocked up and got Bronze as a result. Noice!Where can I get one of these bathrobes? Asking for a friend @WTA #tokyo2020 #fashionriskhttps://t.co/Sc6VgjRMEL
— Trippin' Balls Tennis (@tripnblstennis) August 15, 2021
Melbourne was in lockdown for most of the games and still is. Stay at home and watch the Olympics? You didn’t have to ask me twice! It also helped that good-looking people filled my screen for two weeks - much like grand slams.
Especially for Naomi, the ceremonies were lit!
From bucket hats to human flora, they were intensely bizarre. They really don’t muck around at the Olympics, they pulled out all of the stops:
The fashion was on steroids (hopefully that was the only thing), though some looked like they were bought from an airport souvenir store. Or as if they’ve just returned home from work. Covid’s been hard on all of us but particularly for the athletes. They’ve had to make ends meet with the following day jobs:
Salsa dancers + hotel staff:
Nuclear technicians (hence the radioactive clothing):
McDowell’s a la Coming to America:
Pie-chart statisticians:
Go-Go dancers:
Theme park operators:
Flight crews:
Department store cosmeticians:
Or pirates if they were from the Seychelles, earning 4% of the country’s GDP!
The officials weren’t much better, looking like ice cream franchisees:
Salsa dancers + hotel staff:
Nuclear technicians (hence the radioactive clothing):
McDowell’s a la Coming to America:
Pie-chart statisticians:
Go-Go dancers:
Theme park operators:
Flight crews:
Department store cosmeticians:
Or pirates if they were from the Seychelles, earning 4% of the country’s GDP!
The officials weren’t much better, looking like ice cream franchisees:
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| “I scream, you scream, we all scream for… Iceland!?” |
Or walking signs:
My hopes for a drug-free olympics were dashed before the events even began:
Throughout the games, they were everywhere I looked:
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| “These smell pretty good” |
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| I don’t think they’re meant to be consumed like that… |
Speaking of, I think it’s funny that Russia’s named the Russian Olympic Committee. I just think of the athletes sitting in a Zoom committee meeting:
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| “We forgot to write the minutes last night…” |
Going back down Olympic memory lane, remember that walker who got disqualified at Sydney 2000? She looks like every mum who’s ever taken her kids to the Aussie Open:
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| “A ground pass is such good value!” cries* | |
One kiddo who’s been is Belinda Bencic, now a gold medallist. Wow, you’ve matured a lot!
Also is Taylor Swift circa 2006, who won women’s doubles with the talk-singer Krejčíková!
One commentator said that the destination of the gold medal for mixed doubles is “unknown”...GRATULUJU, holky! 😍
— Barbora Strycova (@BaraStrycova) August 1, 2021
Jste skvělý! 🥇🇨🇿❤️@BKrejcikova / @K_Siniakova pic.twitter.com/c9yuXvQZDg
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| Hmm, something tells me it's going to Russia... |
Congrats Andrey and Nastia on winning… these dusty things?
With her love of karaoke and his musical past, they should totally collaborate. I hope they sung Happy birthday to Elena Vesnina on August 1 and to all of the horses out there! Or at least Gold by Spandau Ballet.
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| Tennis usually sounds like porn, but now it looks like it! |
Paris is next! Ooft, that is going to be good. I wonder where they’ll be playing tennis? ;)
Credits
International Olympic Committee
Seven West Media
Tuesday, July 13, 2021
Wimbledon 2021
It was here and queer, as in different to the pre-COVID world we yearn for.
Guns were cocked and ready to shoot when anyone let out a sneeze. These towel baskets were used in the name of hygiene, though they looked like mailboxes:
If you send one now through Australia Post, it will arrive by the time COVID is over. Don’t believe me? Look:
A perfect example of snail mail.
Sorry you couldn’t get your shirt fixed in time either, Alja! She looks like she’s just ordered a hit or is about to barf, by the way.
White is nice. I always like how it compliments the players’ beautiful complexions. But sponsors sometimes treat it as an opportunity to phone it in:
“You said to design something from the 20s!” “The 2020s, not the 1920s!”
Fig 1: Shoes worn by someone probably born in the 1920s:
Needless to say, the crowd also got it wrong on the daily:
Spot the tourists! #dadwear
Yep, today’s the day I came out of a v-jay! And those radios again…
The broadcasters too…
Take a bake, have a swig, pick your poison. Krejicova decided to do just that and order off the bar menu:
She was not the only one by the looks of it:
Kreji is one of my new faves with her badass swagger, just look at it in action:
It was a bit rich for the AELTC to steal the Masterchef trophy design and flip the M upside down. The only difference between that show and Wimbledon is whether someone bursts into flames at the start of each ad break. You’d think they’d know a thing or two about intellectual property because the umpires look like they work in law:
Or they look like the Pie in the Sky Guy, whom Golubic was starstruck by:
Now, about the final. Mum said “the Czechs always win!” which was wrong on this occasion. Not totally wrong though as she pronounced Czech as “sex”, which always does. Here is photographic proof that even the grass won’t get its mind out of the gutter #boobs:
Like a girl starting their bride of honour speech - Ash - what can I say?! Her first serve percentage was 29% at one point during the tournament, which is close to my career best. Her greatness is a at a level I cannot attain.
“The British press are pretty harsh so we'll get drunk once we're back home.”
Congratulations, and best of luck on your Zoom job interview!
Guns were cocked and ready to shoot when anyone let out a sneeze. These towel baskets were used in the name of hygiene, though they looked like mailboxes:
If you send one now through Australia Post, it will arrive by the time COVID is over. Don’t believe me? Look:
A perfect example of snail mail.
Sorry you couldn’t get your shirt fixed in time either, Alja! She looks like she’s just ordered a hit or is about to barf, by the way.
White is nice. I always like how it compliments the players’ beautiful complexions. But sponsors sometimes treat it as an opportunity to phone it in:
“You said to design something from the 20s!” “The 2020s, not the 1920s!”
Fig 1: Shoes worn by someone probably born in the 1920s:
Needless to say, the crowd also got it wrong on the daily:
Spot the tourists! #dadwear
Yep, today’s the day I came out of a v-jay! And those radios again…
The broadcasters too…
Take a bake, have a swig, pick your poison. Krejicova decided to do just that and order off the bar menu:
She was not the only one by the looks of it:
Kreji is one of my new faves with her badass swagger, just look at it in action:
It was a bit rich for the AELTC to steal the Masterchef trophy design and flip the M upside down. The only difference between that show and Wimbledon is whether someone bursts into flames at the start of each ad break. You’d think they’d know a thing or two about intellectual property because the umpires look like they work in law:
Or they look like the Pie in the Sky Guy, whom Golubic was starstruck by:
Now, about the final. Mum said “the Czechs always win!” which was wrong on this occasion. Not totally wrong though as she pronounced Czech as “sex”, which always does. Here is photographic proof that even the grass won’t get its mind out of the gutter #boobs:
Like a girl starting their bride of honour speech - Ash - what can I say?! Her first serve percentage was 29% at one point during the tournament, which is close to my career best. Her greatness is a at a level I cannot attain.
“The British press are pretty harsh so we'll get drunk once we're back home.”
Congratulations, and best of luck on your Zoom job interview!
Monday, June 7, 2021
Roland-Garros 2021
Just like that, RG is back! Voila…
Okay... that’s enough! (Belle performance, by the way).
Oh Roland, I thought I’d seen enough of you within the last few months but now that you’re here, I might as well embrace you. Who am I kidding! The fact that a tennis tournament is happening is something to be grateful for, whether that’s a responsible action I cannot say for sure. While this question cannot be swept away, the clay has been so let’s get down to it.
I’ve just noticed how refined the furnishings are in the major courts like Phillipe-Chatrier with lovely woods and glass. I don’t know how they keep it all clean. Meanwhile, the Australian Open has bolted down, prison-grade fittings that can be hosed down of slurpee stains.
The unluckiest loser has to be Petra Kvitova. Injuring your ankle at a press conference? No wonder Naomi doesn’t want to do them!
Another loss I’m lamenting is the sea of white hats. Why are there so few? Maybe now that people are wearing masks, they think that adding a hat + sunglasses is a bit too Michael Jackson-esque for most.
Now while you’re here, punters, why are you only around when French players are on or the guys are playing? Even when a world no.1 was on Philllpe-Chatrier, it was a ghost town!
Different timezones are always fun. That means advertisements that are too dodgy and low-budget for prime time, such as Jesus 4 U - an evangelical call complete with comic sans font and a gmail address. Whoever thought that tennis could make you feel like you have a hangover? The timezones must have screwed with the Australian presenters because there were a number of blood-boiling mispronunciations and stuff-ups.
My thoughts and prayers once again for the media down in the trenches… #gutterpress
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| I see you and I feel you. |
You truly have a thankless (and sometimes fruitless) job - you tried your best with this artistic shot, hoping the clock would hit the hour, but no. That would’ve been too easy.
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| "Damnit!" |
This fortnight in fashion: black, black and more black. Nigel Tufnel’s words “none more black” hits the black nail on the blackhead (ew).
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| “RG, Rebecca Black-oh wait..." |
Also, is that leather? That’s hot in more ways than one. I do not recommend wearing white at clay court tournaments either. Exhibit A:
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| “Excuse me, the clay is down there!” |
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| I haven’t seen this colour combination since 2008. |
Am I the only one who thinks the TV score is so slow to change? I swear, if RG were an animal it’d be this:
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© Jennifer Morrow |
This year I went full fan and played Fantasy Tennis. I had faith in Coco Gauff but she went Go Go Stop. Anyone remember that TV game show? Pleased with my performance, I finished 8th in Australia:
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Given their photo, number 12 seems to’ve confused this with a dating site… |
Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova’s quite the musician, how could she not be with her first name? She and Rybakina made some sweet sounds from their racquets. I might even sample their hits in a song of mine… stay tuned!
It seems that everyone was feeling the music at the women’s final…
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| "Don't speak, I know what you're sayin', so please stop complainin'" |
Including the talk-singing latest sensation and winner of RG21 - Barbora Krejčíková! According to her, everything and everyone was amazing - look who's talking!
So, Paris, until next year…
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| “It looks clean but it isn’t” - My mother |
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