Countdown to the Australian Open

Well, I think that’s the first thing that comes to mind with the Australian WTA tournaments - what comes after them.

Like between Christmas and New Year’s; it’s the hangover recovery period of the tennis calendar. No one knows what day it is or who’s playing where - Perth? Brisbane? Sydney?

However, there’s been unity between players across the country with all of the bushfire donations, especially from aces. The linespeople on the T are in even more danger than they usually are. The WTA have pledged $100 per ace. They better have their checks and balances right, ‘cos Karolina Pliskova might render them bankrupt.

Speaking of money, I can’t help but smirk when commentators say that many players move to Monaco for “numerous reasons”. Can you say tax evasion relief?

Hopman Cup 1989-2019

Vale Hopman Cup; the tournament where broadcasters like the ABC and channel 10 got to flex their weak tennis coverage muscles. “How hard can it be?” asked everyone. Very. Now that Channel 7 sold their rights to the tennis (and their souls), gone is the heavenly host, Johanna Griggs, from our screens. I’d love to see her jump ship but I imagine that she has an eternity contract with Channel Seven. Only the Seven Network had the gall to squish the tennis and Grey’s Anatomy ads together and brand it “after the tennis!”. Take notes, Channel 9, cos’ you’re on notice. 

“You had one job” 

Channel 9, your mispronunciation of players’ names really is atrocious. You wouldn’t get that kind of thing on SBS. Mind you, I’m getting my names mixed up, too, for example, Storm Sanders. I’m going to call her Stormy after Stormy Daniels. The fact that her surname is Sanders is even more of a political mindfuck.

Brisbane International

There were no issues in Brisvegas, well… except that someone was a bit gung-ho on their home reno’:

Otherwise, everyone was winnin’ and grinnin’, albeit at their opponents’ failures:

Alison Riske's a sweetheart. Being the Christian she is, I wonder if she says a prayer before each point:

"Dear-heavenly-father-please-protect-me-against-the-Pliskova-serve-amen!”

My favourite doubles pair were at it again:



Madison Keys won what looks like a phone. Karolina Pliskova was txting her mates on court, probably something along the lines of "I won the title, I wanted the phone tho LOL".

Adelaide International

Where do I start with Adelaide? The city of churches hasn’t been home to a tournament in ten years and it showed, given how oblivious the fans were to spectator etiquette. Sit down means sit down. That was when people actually turned up to matches:

Ade-lit-af! …

I used the same “Centre Stage” font in my 18th birthday invitations…. in 2013 #getwiththetimes

In the fashion stakes, I think Fila’s been doing well at keeping their finger on the trend pulse. I’m liking the pinstripes with its 90s, Clueless movie throwbacks. Speaking of cluelessness, take a look at these shithouse shots (and oddities) from around the country:

Bringing it back home to Melbourne, one thing that smells better than the smoke haze is how soon Australian Open is. I can taste it! It’s gonna be yuuge.